Real estate mogul Donald Trump threw a tantrum last week after it was discovered he is actually an immigrant. When President Barack Obama demanded Trump release his birth certificate, Trump became visibly distressed, breaking into a nervous sweat.

Trump insisted he had never seen his birth certificate, and said he would personally retrieve it.

At his lawyer’s office, Trump’s birth certificate was retrieved from his private vault. When he saw it, letting loose a flurry of rage, Trump stuffed several thousand dollars in loose bills down the throat of his lawyer. The cash was the only weapon he had at hand.

Many witnesses claimed that Trump attempted to flee the building, but was swiftly tackled by a guard and apprehended.

Trump’s lawyer, after clearing his air passage, wheezed, “He always maintained he was from Queens, New York, but he’s actually from Quedlinburg, Germany. Still though, at least I got a bonus.”

Trump supporters everywhere were baffled by the news. “I honestly had no idea about this,” said a perplexed staff member. “He’s been living and doing business here for years. “A least he’s not one of those illegal Martians that’s come to destroy the U.S.”

Trump, with the support of his many followers, argued that he could not be an illegal alien, as he was not green and had no antennae.

The following day, Trump emerged from his tower, composed. “About Germany,” he announced to the waiting papparazzi, “When do their elections start?”